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Resources & Guidance

You shouldn't have to Google your way through grief. We've gathered the practical answers and emotional support you need — all in one place. Take what helps, leave what doesn't.


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✍️ Writing an Obituary ⚘ Planning the Funeral 📜 Setting Up a Will 💳 Canceling Accounts 📄 Death Certificates 💛 How to Cope 📋 Admin Checklist 🕯️ Honoring Them 🏢 Grief at Work

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A podcast that changed how people think about grief. And a platform for when grief follows someone into work.

Where to Start

Click any topic to expand it. There's no right order — start wherever feels most urgent.

An obituary is one of the first things asked of you, often when you're still in shock. It doesn't have to be perfect — it just has to be true to who your person was.

What to include:

  • Full name (and any nicknames they were known by)
  • Date and place of birth and death
  • Where they grew up, went to school, and worked
  • Surviving family members (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings)
  • What they loved — hobbies, passions, quirks
  • A sentence or two about who they were as a person
  • Details on services: visitation, funeral, burial location
  • Where to send donations in their memory, if applicable

Tips:

  • Write it in third person, past tense
  • Ask family members to share one word or memory — these often become the best lines
  • Don't forget to include their sense of humor if that was part of who they were
  • Many funeral homes will help you write or publish it
  • Online obituary sites like Legacy.com and Ancestry.com are common

A real example:

You can read the obituary written for Bob Steinkrauss — the inspiration for Grief Kit — right here:
Bob Steinkrauss Memorial →

Planning a funeral while grieving is one of the hardest things you'll do. You don't have to do it alone — lean on a funeral home, lean on family, and let people help.

First steps:

  • Choose a funeral home — ask family, friends, or your doctor for referrals
  • Decide on burial vs. cremation (check if your loved one had a preference or pre-arranged plan)
  • Obtain death certificates right away — you'll need many copies (see below)
  • Find out if there's a will — it may specify wishes for the service

What the funeral home will help with:

  • Transportation and preparation of the body
  • Death certificate filing
  • Casket or urn selection
  • Coordinating the visitation and service
  • Obituary publication (often)

Planning the service:

  • Choose a venue: funeral home, place of worship, graveside, or a meaningful location
  • Select music that meant something to them
  • Invite people to share memories or a reading
  • Put together a photo slideshow — ask family to share their favorites
  • Consider a reception or gathering after for people to connect

Don't forget:

  • You can have more than one service — a private family burial and a larger celebration of life
  • A "celebration of life" can be held weeks or months later, giving everyone more time to travel and process
  • There's no right way. Do what feels true to who they were.

One of the most loving things you can do for the people you'll leave behind someday is to have your affairs in order. Bob always had a plan — and even with that, things were hard. Without one, it can be so much harder.

What a will covers:

  • Who inherits your assets (money, property, belongings)
  • Who becomes guardian of minor children
  • Instructions for funeral and burial preferences
  • Charitable donations you'd like made in your name

Beyond a will — also consider:

  • A Trust: helps assets transfer to beneficiaries without going through probate court
  • A Healthcare Proxy: designates someone to make medical decisions if you can't
  • Power of Attorney: designates someone to handle financial/legal decisions
  • Beneficiary designations: update these on retirement accounts, life insurance, and bank accounts — they override a will
  • A passwords/accounts document: leave a secure list of logins for your executor

Where to start:

  • Hire an estate planning attorney — it's worth the investment, especially if you have children or significant assets
  • More affordable options: Trust & Will, LegalZoom, or Nolo.com
  • Review and update your will after major life events: marriage, divorce, having kids, buying a home

This process can feel never-ending and deeply frustrating — especially when companies make it hard. (We see you, Barclays.) Here's what to know so you're prepared.

What you'll need for almost every call:

  • Certified copy of the death certificate
  • Your loved one's full legal name, date of birth, and Social Security number
  • Account numbers when possible
  • Your relationship to the deceased and your own ID

Step-by-step for credit cards:

  1. Call the number on the back of the card and ask to speak with the bereavement or estates department
  2. Notify them of the death and ask what documentation they need
  3. Send a certified copy of the death certificate by mail or upload through their portal
  4. Ask them to stop interest and late fees from accruing during the process
  5. Get a written confirmation of account closure and any balance resolution

Other accounts to address:

  • Bank accounts (if you're the executor or joint account holder)
  • Utility bills — transfer or cancel gas, electric, internet, phone
  • Subscriptions — Netflix, Amazon, magazines, gym memberships
  • Social media accounts — Facebook has a memorialization option; most allow removal with a death certificate
  • Email accounts — Google and Apple have policies for next-of-kin access
  • Loyalty programs — airlines, hotels (some will transfer points to beneficiaries)

A note on persistence:

Some companies will be kind and efficient. Others will not. Document every call: write down the date, who you spoke with, what was said, and any reference numbers. If you hit a wall, ask to escalate to a supervisor or send a written letter.

A certified death certificate is the most important document you will need in the aftermath of a loss. It is required for nearly every administrative task you'll face. Order more than you think you need — we recommend at least 10–15 certified copies.

How to get death certificates:

  • Your funeral home will typically file with the state and can order certified copies on your behalf
  • You can also order through your state's vital records office or VitalChek.com
  • Each certified copy costs roughly $10–20; it's worth ordering extras upfront

Things that require a certified death certificate:

  • Bank accounts and financial institutions
  • Life insurance claims
  • Social Security — to stop payments and apply for survivor benefits
  • Pension and retirement account beneficiary claims
  • Real estate and property transfers
  • Vehicle title transfers (DMV)
  • Credit card cancellations
  • Settling outstanding debts with creditors
  • Tax filing for the estate
  • Veterans benefits claims
  • Voter registration removal
  • Passport cancellation

Keep originals safe:

Store certified copies in a fireproof box or safe. Make scanned digital copies as a backup (though most institutions require original certified copies, not photocopies).

There is no right way to grieve. There's no timeline. No checklist. And the "five stages" you've heard about? They don't happen in order — and you may cycle through them more than once. Be gentle with yourself.

Some things that may help:

  • Let yourself feel it — trying to push through or "stay strong" often delays healing
  • Talk about your person — say their name, share memories, don't let grief silence them
  • Find your outlet: journaling, walking, creating, crying in the car. All of it is valid.
  • Accept help when it's offered, even if it's hard
  • Give yourself permission to have good days without guilt

A podcast worth starting with:

All There Is with Anderson Cooper — CNN anchor Anderson Cooper lost his father at 10 and his brother at 21. In this award-winning podcast, he explores grief through honest conversations with guests who've faced devastating loss. It's the kind of listening that makes you feel less alone. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and CNN.

Books worth reading:

  • The Year of Magical Thinking — Joan Didion
  • It's OK That You're Not OK — Megan Devine
  • Option B — Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
  • Bearing the Unbearable — Joanne Cacciatore
  • Grief is the Thing with Feathers — Max Porter

Support groups & community:

  • GriefShare.org — local and online grief support groups
  • ModernLoss.com — a community and resource for young people navigating grief
  • What's Your Grief (whatsyourgrief.com) — articles, courses, and tools
  • The Dinner Party (thedinnerparty.org) — community for 20s/30s who've experienced loss

Professional support:

  • Grief counseling or therapy — ask your doctor for a referral or search Psychology Today
  • Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) often include free therapy sessions — check with HR
  • Crisis support: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988

The administrative work after a death can feel like a second job — on top of the grief you're already carrying. This list is a starting point. You don't have to do it all at once.

In the first week:

  • Obtain the death certificate (funeral home typically handles this)
  • Order at least 10–15 certified copies
  • Notify immediate family and close friends
  • Secure the home and any valuables
  • Contact a funeral home
  • Locate the will, if there is one

In the first month:

  • Notify Social Security Administration (1-800-772-1213) — stop payments and ask about survivor benefits
  • Contact life insurance companies to begin claims
  • Notify the bank(s) — if you're named on the account or are the executor
  • Contact pension providers and retirement account holders (401k, IRA)
  • Notify the employer — inquire about any final paychecks, benefits, or pension
  • Cancel or transfer health insurance
  • Begin contacting credit card companies
  • File to open the estate with your local probate court (if required)

Within three to six months:

  • File the final federal and state tax return for your loved one
  • Cancel driver's license with your state DMV
  • Transfer vehicle titles
  • Update property deeds or mortgage
  • Cancel subscriptions and memberships
  • Handle social media accounts
  • Update voter registration records
  • Cancel passport

One tip that helps:

Keep a simple log — a notebook or a spreadsheet — where you track every call: date, company, who you spoke with, what was needed, and what's resolved. It will feel like a lot at first, but checking things off helps you see the progress.

The first holiday without them. The first birthday. The anniversary of their death. These days can be tender, heavy, beautiful, and hard all at once. There's no right way to move through them — but having a plan or a ritual can help.

Ideas for honoring them:

  • Plant something living — a tree, a garden, a perennial that comes back every spring
  • Cook their favorite meal and gather around the table together
  • Donate to a cause they cared about in their name on their birthday
  • Visit a place they loved — the beach, the park, the old neighborhood
  • Create a memory box with photos, notes, and small keepsakes
  • Light a candle on their anniversary or during the holidays — a small act of remembrance
  • Write them a letter — tell them what's happened since they left
  • Share a memory with someone who loved them too — say their name out loud
  • Make a tradition — something you do every year in their honor, just for them
  • Watch their favorite movie or listen to music that reminds you of them
  • Give yourself a day off — from performing "okay," from obligations, from anything that isn't grief

On the hard days:

It's okay to not celebrate a holiday the way you used to. It's okay to cry at a wedding. It's okay to feel angry that the world keeps moving. It's okay to laugh at a memory and then cry because they're gone. You don't have to have it together. You just have to get through it.

"I want to live my life as fully as possible — because I know my dad would want that."
— Courtney

Grief doesn't clock out at 9am. When an employee loses someone, they bring that loss to work with them — and most managers want to help, but have no idea what to say or do. This section is for them.

What grieving employees actually need:

  • To be acknowledged — a simple, sincere "I'm so sorry" goes further than you think
  • Flexibility — grief is not linear, and performance dips aren't personal failures
  • No pressure to "get back to normal" on a timeline you set
  • Check-ins that don't stop after the first week — grief often intensifies at weeks 3–6
  • Practical accommodation: adjusted deadlines, lighter load, time for appointments or hard days

What NOT to say:

  • "Let me know if you need anything" — too vague; offer something specific instead
  • "At least they're no longer suffering" or other silver-lining statements
  • "I know how you feel" — you don't, and that's okay to acknowledge
  • Anything that implies they should be "over it" by now

What to say instead:

  • "I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here, and there's no pressure to rush back."
  • "Can I help you with [specific task] this week so you have one less thing to think about?"
  • "I'll check in with you again in a few weeks — no agenda, just to see how you're doing."

A tool built for this:

Bereave is a workplace bereavement platform that gives HR teams and managers exactly what they need — scripts, step-by-step workflows, automated check-in reminders, and training — so no employee has to navigate grief without support from the people they work with.

For HR teams to consider:

  • Review your bereavement leave policy — the standard 3 days is rarely enough
  • Train managers annually on grief response, not just once at onboarding
  • Create a clear internal process so managers know exactly what to do when an employee experiences a loss
  • Remind employees about EAP benefits at the time of loss — most people forget they exist

More resources are coming.

Grief Kit is growing. More topics, more stories from people who've been there, and more tools to make the hardest parts of loss a little more manageable. Come back whenever you need us.

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